Australia

December 7, 2008

AUSTRALIA BLOG

I LOVE YA' CLEVELAND. . .BUT I DO NOT LOVE AUSTRAILIA!

IF I HEAR JUDY GARLAND SINGING OVER THE RAINBOW ONE MORE TIME. . I'M GOING TO PUKE!

I GUESS YOU CAN TELL THAT I NOT ONLY DIDN'T LIKE AUSTRALIA. . .BUT I WAS ALSO EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING AND LIKING THIS FILM.

TO WATCH THE PREVIEWS. . .ONE WOULD THINK. . ."OH!  I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO SEE IT!  IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!"   THE REALITY IS:  "WHAT A GIGANTIC LETDOWN!" 

BAZ LUHRMANN'S 130 MILLION DOLLAR OUTBACK EPIC IS 2 HOURS AND 35 MINUTES OF WASTED TIME.  THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THIS MOVIE IS IT'S BEAUTIFULLY SHOT.  THE AUSTALIAN LANDSCAPE AND CINEMATOGRAPHY IS BREATHTAKING.  THE MOUNTAINS THE GORGES, THE OCEAN, AND THE JAPANESE FIGHTER PLANES EMERGING DOWN ON DARWIN FROM THE CLOUDS IS SOMETHING TO BEHOLD. 

LUHRMANN CO-WROTE THE SCREENPLAY WITH STEWART BEATTIE AND RICHARD FLANAGAN.  THEY MUST HAVE ALL BEEN VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH SYDNEY POLLACK'S 1986 ACADEMY AWARD WINNING FILM OUT OF AFRICA.  TOO MUCH OF THIS SCRIPT COPIES THAT TRULY GREAT EPIC.  TOO THE POINT. . .WHERE NICOLE KIDMAN'S CHARACTER EARNS THE RIGHT TO DRINK WITH THE BOYS IN AN ALL MALE SALOON. . .JUST AS MERYL STREEPS CHARACTER DID IN THE GOOD OLE' BOYS CLUB IN OUT OF AFRICA.

NICOLE KIDMAN'S CHARACTER, LADY ASHLEY ADOPTS A HALF-WHITE, HALF-ABORIGINI KNOWN AS "CREAMIES" IN THE MOVIE.  THE LITTLE BOY'S NAME IS NULLAH, PLAYED BY BRANDON WALTERS.  HE HAD THE WHITEST TEETH I'VE EVER SEEN ON A HUMAN BEING!   NOW. . .GET THIS. . .!  IT'S THE LATE 1930'S. . .IN THE OUTBACK. . .I DON'T THINK THEY HAD TEETH WHITENERS BACK THEN. . .DID THEY?  THIS KID'S TEETH BLINDED ME. . .EVERYTIME HE SMILED!!!

THEN. . .THERE'S A SO-CALLED MYSTICAL CHARACTER, NAMED KING GEORGE. . PLAYED BY DAVID GULPILIL. . .WHO IS A GUARDIAN ANGEL-TYPE FIGURE. . .HE APPEARS ON MOUNTAINTOPS, WATER TOWERS, LIGHT POSTS AND ROOF TOPS,OVERSEEING THE WELL BEING OF NULLAH AND HIS ADOPTIVE PARENTS.   KING GEORGE. . .IN REALITY. . .IS A SCRAGGLY LOOKING OLD MAN WITH LONG FILTHY HAIR, ROTTED TEETH AND THE ABILITY TO REST ONE OF HIS LEGS BENT. . .ONTO THE OTHER KNEE. . .JUST PICTURE AN ABORIGINI FLAMINGO!!!    AMAZINGLY, THE CLIMAX OF THE FILM FEATURES KING GEORGE THROWING A JAVELIN TYPE SPEAR 200 YARDS. . .RIGHT ON TARGET. . .BETTER THAN ANY OLYMPIAN COULD HOPE FOR.  OH!  BY THE WAY!   THE WHOLE ROMANTIC "STORY" IS NOT CONVINCING AT ALL!   LUHRMANN FINDS IT NECESSARY, EARLY ON TO SHOW JACKMAN'S CHARACTER BATHING HIS UPPER TORSO. . TO THE FASCINATION OF LADY ASHLEY.  ANOTHER SCENE THAT DISTURBED ME:  WHEN JACKMAN'S CHARACTER, DROVER, SUDDENLY APPEARS CLEAN SHAVEN AND DISPLAYED IN A BEAUTIFUL WHITE TUXEDO FOR ALL TO OOOH AND AHHHH AT. . .AT A LOCAL BALL.  

THE MOST RIDIUCLOUS SCENE IN THE MOVIE WAS THE YOUNG BOY, NULLAH, STOPPING A STAMPEDING HERD OF CATTLE WITH HIS BACK TO THE EDGE OF A MOUNTAINESS CLIFF.  HE INCREDIBLY DOES THIS WITH AN ABORIGINI TYPE STARE TAUGHT HIM. . I GUESS. . .BY KING GEORGE. 

I DO BELIEVE THIS FILM COULD GET NOMINATED FOR CINEMATOGRAPHY. . .BUT THAT'S IT. 

KIDMAN. . .WHO I LOVE. . .AS AN ACTRESS. . FALLS WAY SHORT AND HUGH JACKMAN SHOULD STICK TO HIS SONG AND DANCE ON BROADWAY!

SPEAKING OF SONG AND DANCE. . .LUHRMANN. . WHO DIRECTED KIDMAN IN MOULIN ROUGE SHOULD DO THE SAME AND LEAVE EPICS TO THE DIRECTORS AND WRITERS WHO ARE MORE CAPABLE.

MY NEXT REVIEW WILL BE ON THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PAJAMAS.

UNTIL THEN. . REMEMBER. . AS ALWAYS. . .I LOVE YA' CLEVELAND!!!!

. . .AND DON'T FORGET. . .THE GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATIONS COME OUT THIS THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11^TH!